Have you lost that feeling, that magnificent sense of loving and being loved? Is everything just work, paying the bills, doing the laundry, mowing the lawn, and taking care of the family? Do you fuss, argue and fight? Has the daily "I love you" disappeared?

The divorce rate in the United States has declined in recent years, but about 50% of people marrying for the first time still end up divorced.

But not all is lost: There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Here are some key steps to apply to your marriage:

The power lies in your hands. This means that you have a lot of self-work to do.You have to be willing to put first things first and start the fixing where the fixing needs to begin, not with the relationship and not with your partner, but with yourself. Each person needs to examine their own negative thinking patterns, behaviors, tendencies and reactions and how they negatively impact the relationship. Being mindfully- aware is important, because it creates the capacity to choose responses that are different from those habitually acted upon. Thereby laying the foundation for something new to emerge.
Commitment, COMMITMENT. We wouldn’t think of leaving our children as a solution to our problems with them. So why is commitment so important? Commitment keeps couples together and is a key foundational piece of marriage.

Here’s an analogy that may help explain why. The decision to get a college degree or additional training carries along with it not only a desire, but an expectation that you will accomplish your goal. You’ve laid out your future. You’re aware it will take several years and plenty of studying. You’re aware it will take time and effort on your part to produce papers and pass tests. You might even have to pull some all-nighters to get a passing grade. But you’re fully aware that you are going to have to invest yourself in the process in order to ultimately be successful and walk away with a degree. It takes commitment. Without commitment, there is no degree.Commitment in marriage is no different. Commitment is the dedicated choice to give up other competing choices.
Relationship knowledge is a must. Studies on the effectiveness of relationship education find that couples that have participated in 9 to 12 hours of education are less likely to get divorced and have significantly higher levels of marital satisfaction. Marriage education is simply what it says: education. You can learn different ideas for solving problems, and talking about difficult issues. Marriage education is designed to improve your relationship and skills. It provides couples with the tools to have a happy, healthy, strong marriage and can be useful at any stage of marriage. All this information is readily available to you whether through workshops, online courses, one-to-one mentoring or other venues.
Never stop putting in effort to make it better and better. Marriage is a process. The individuals in a relationship, as well as the marital relationship itself, go through stages and have the potential for continuous growth. This growth requires trust, commitment, skills, caring, reciprocity, and effort. Strong, healthy marriages do not just happen by chance. Rather, the spouses in such marriages have chosen to make the effort to make them strong, healthy, and satisfying.

In all, what has been outlined here are four broad tips on how to avoid divorce. There are many minute details in each tip that you can continue to explore with your spouse as you build a successful marriage.

Marriage issues? 4 tips to avoid divorce

Ana Loiselle

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